Things I don't Like #5 - Neighbours

I live next door to a complete fuckhead. He likes to renovate at 3am, he parks his cars on the verge so you can never see oncoming traffic at the intersection, and recently I caught him building a dog kennel with a nail gun. What a fucking hero.





So, I live on a reasonably quiet street. I have pretty good neighbours. On one side. On the other side, however, I have the worst fucking neighbour I’ve ever had. Even worse than my old neighbour, the one with 4 inbred children between the age of 2 and 5(how the fuck did that work).

To call this neighbour an asshole is an understatement. He reeks of dickheadery. Look at the little blurb near that pic up the top. A NAILGUN. WHAT THE FUCK. This is just a few of the things that he does, consistently to annoy the shit out of the rest of the street.

He LOVES to park his SS on the verge right at the corner of the intersection so fucked if you can see if there is any oncoming traffic. He’s really good at renovating at night, especially in the hours at which his neighbours are sleeping. I love being woken up at 2:30am by a fucking Skilsaw ripping through a piece of half inch ply. Really, I do. I also love hammering nails into my own cock, like a phallic crucifiction.

It wouldn’t be so bad if it was occasional, but it isn’t. It’s consistent. The only saving grace you’d think is that he’s rarely there at night. Due to the place being fixed up, he is staying somewhere else.

Too fucking bad his dog isn’t staying with him. I’m seriously almost at the end of my rope with this stupid fucking mutt, It doesn’t ever shut the fuck up, ever. It barks at nothing. All the time.

You might be saying “But, riggs, you have 2 large dogs of your own, you should understand that they make noise!”

This is true. However, my dogs are
a, Pedigree, and
b, Trained.

Yes, my dogs bark, but only once or twice, unless they have a reason to keep going, for example if someone is in my fucking front yard breaking into my fucking car.

I’ve taken a good look at this dog. I really should take a photo and put it up here so you can understand. It’s obvious something has gone horribly wrong in it’s bloodline somewhere and the consequence of that is obvious mentally and physically.

Its the dumbest fucking dog I’ve ever encountered(believe me I’ve had some doozies) and it’s also the ugliest fucking dog I’ve ever encountered.

You know that constant look of confusion animals(and humans) get when they get bred too much? It’s got that. It’s bark is.. well.. more of a loud wheeze, really. I should report this fuckhead to the RSPCA. I honestly believe keeping it alive is cruel.

Last night somewhere between the 2 hours of 3am and 5am, it barked, non-stop for 90 minutes. There was nothing outside, and my dogs did not make a sound. You could hear with every bark it’s throat was getting sorer. Do you think that slowed it down? Not for a second. After about 20 minutes it sounded like sandpaper wheeze. After 70, it sounded like tin tearing through tin during a violent storm.

Soon as I see my neighbour, I am going to make him aware of what his dog is doing. I’ve let it go long enough. If he doesn’t do anything about it.. Well I can’t be charged with having vicious dogs if “his weird fucking praying mantis dog jumped into my locked back yard while I wasn’t home, and my large dogs tore it to pieces”.

I’m fucking sick of this guy and his shit. I know there are worse neighbours out there. But fuck him. And fuck you.

7/09/10

Things I don't like #4 - Facebook Fuckheadery

All tact and tastefulness is now out the window. I’m not going to tint my thoughts with political correctness, regard for anyones feelings, or anything of the like. It's not in my nature to kick someone when they are down but this has to be said.

Facebook is for social networking, not for advertising your children/depression/stupidity/other.

I’m sick as fuck of seeing stupid shit. NOBODY GIVES A FUCK THAT YOU ARE BORED. DO YOU THINK IF YOU POST ABOUT IT ON FACEBOOK SOMETHING MAGICAL WILL HAPPEN AND SUDDENLY YOU WILL BECOME UN-BORED? HAVE US HUMANS REALLY BECOME THAT RETARDED AND INBRED?

NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT YOUR NEWBORN. CONGRATULATIONS ON THE BIRTH, BUT NOBODY NEEDS TO BE UPDATED ON EVERY FUCKING LITTLE THING THE TROGLODYTE HELLSPAWN DOES. STOP POSTING EVERY 30 SECONDS ABOUT WHAT COLOUR ITS SPEW AND SHIT IS, WHAT “FUNNY(which isn’t funny at all, its normal baby behaviour, your child is not special)” SHIT YOUR BABY IS DOING. I ALSO BELIEVE NOBODY REALLY GIVES A FUCK HOW WELL YOU SLEPT BECAUSE OF SAID BABY. YOU CHOSE TO HAVE A CHILD, SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES IN THE DESERT OF LONELINESS AND ALIENATION. NOBODY GIVES A FUCK AND THEY SLEEP JUST FINE AT NIGHT, BECAUSE THEY DONT HAVE CHILDREN.

SICK OF SITTING AT HOME ALL DAY POSTING ABOUT STUPID SHIT YOUR BABY DOES? GET A FUCKING JOB AND PUT IT IN CHILDCARE. ONCE AGAIN YOU CHOSE TO ENTER THE WORLD OF PARENTHOOD, SO FUCKING STOP HARPING ON ABOUT IT. DOES MAGIC JOHNSON WHINGE ABOUT HAVING AIDS? NO.

The reason I don’t have comments set up on here is because all you soccer mums would no doubt get on your high horse and crap on about what a cunt I am for saying this. I’m sorry, bitches, this is what WE ARE ALL THINKING. Maybe you should look at yourself in the mirror and see what sad pieces of shit you are.

Go fuck yourselves. At least there’s little chance of further impregnation that way.

Things I don't Like #3 - Reality Television

Reality Television is basically the networks way of saying “here is your entertainment, you dumb piece of shit.”

So, I’m a subscriber to Foxtel. I pay an exorbitant fee, and in exchange of my hard earned money, I get to watch 200 odd channels of advertising, and occasionally some TV in between. This occasional TV is not all rainbows and rabbits popping out of hats, however. The majority of this “TV” that I speak of is whats known worldwide as “REALITY TV”.

Taken from Wikipedia:

Reality television is a genre of television programming that presents purportedly unscripted dramatic or humorous situations, documents actual events, and usually features ordinary people instead of professional actors.

That is a pretty reasonable definition. What started out as just Big Brother for 6 months of the year has turned into this fucking juggernaut of advertising and totally unreal “real life”.

For example, there is a Reality TV show called “The Real Housewives of New York City”(before anyone tries to tell me the orange county one was first, I don’t give a fuck). This show basically shows these women living in upper class Manhattan or somewhere equally as fucking expensive strutting about spending copius amounts of money, getting botox, drinking expensive piss together and generally plotting against eachother. The ratings for this show are through the roof.

This is just one end of the Reality TV scale. at the other end you have shit like Wife Swap, and Extreme Makeover. Not a subject is left untainted, like a virgin at a Peter Gabriel gig. Real estate, medicine, science, gardening, employment, the arts, dating, it’s all covered.

Granted there are some exceptions to this. Pimp My Ride is pretty cool.

But for the most part, it’s absolutely rediculous. There is no way any of us will ever gain anything from watching Reality Television. If anything we lose. These corporate fatcats are playing on the lower rung of society, ie, the unintelligent and cashing in off it. There are so many stupid fucking people out there that Reality TV can’t be killed. Those of us with half a brain want to watch something with some substance, but we have to wade through this waist high pile of visual and aural shit before we can get to it. If there is one thing I hate more than advertising, its Reality Fucking TV.

I’d have something mildly amusing to say about it, but it’s honestly too bleak to make any good of it. Like a field full of dead kittens, you can’t really find anything to make you smile.

On the other hand, what if Reality TV was like real life? Can you imagine “Your Pissweak Job” where it shows a guy digging graves for half an hour each day? Or “Your Social Life Is Shit” where they film a guy who gets drunk alone every night? It just wouldn’t work.

But Reality TV lacks the greatest thing the human mind can show. and that’s CREATIVITY. We don’t get to see the works of a person who has poured his or her heart into something. all we see is rich people, and strange people. That makes me sad.

The moral of this rant?

FUCK REALITY TELEVISION.

Things I don't Like #2 - Noobs

Look at this dickhead, Displaying all the typical traits of the noob. The gap in the teeth, putting off all the local women, and covered in other peoples piss. He’s also probably got some alcohol on him.

If you are reading this, chances are you know what a noob is. If you don’t, have a look at this:

Wikipedia:

Newbie is a slang term for a newcomer to an Internet activity, for example online gaming. It can also be used to indicate an individual inexperienced in any other activity. It can have derogatory connotations, but is also often used for descriptive purposes only, without a value judgment.

This means every single one of us encounters noobs everyday. The inept fuckwit at the checkout who thinks that you swipe your eftpos card different than he, thus he must try swipe it for you, to no avail. The fuckhead infront of you in traffic that cant sit 5kmh either side of the speed limit, or fails to indicate, or is just a general fuckwit because you don’t like other drivers.

You might be thinking “oh super genius what about you? I’m sure there is things out there that you aren’t any good at!”

Wrong. There is nothing I do that I am not good at, because if I suck at it, I don’t do it, so as not to fucking inconvenience anyone else like a selfish cunt.

This all gets tied in with political correctness(the other thing which the mere thought of makes a feeling inside me akin to a bullet filled with rage exploding inside my skull) and now it seems any old shitheel can do anything. Having a basic knowledge of using a word processing package on a run of the mill desktop computer is no longer a prerequisite for getting a job in an environment where you need to have basic skills using a word processor on a run of the mill desktop pc. Don’t have a fucking clue how to count? Here’s a checkout for you to work at. Playing with your own dookie in the corner of your parent’s back yard at age 36? Come fly this space shuttle.

There was a time when if you were a useless fuckup then you ended up doing a shitty job, like a janitor, or security guard.

God I long for those days to come around again.

Things I don't like #1 - Gleeks

No doubt, unless you live in Siberia, you've been exposed to the atrocity on mankind that is Glee.
This frogshit show is quite possibly the most dangerous thing to hit our screens since the Idol franchise.

Because urbandictionary has nothing but shitfuck defintions for "gleek", "gleeks", I'm going to have to descibe it myself. A Gleek is someone who takes Glee very seriously.

Now fair enough, I know that that bird with the big nose is strangely attractive, and whatever, but thats not the point.

The point is anyone who sees it seems to think that they too posess a singing voice comparable to that of todays best selling number 1 pop artists.

Here's a free hint for all you Gleeks -- THEY AUTOTUNE THE SHIT OUT OF THOSE VOICES. These guys on the show, they are actors, not singers. They have no musical talent whatsoever. they are just doing what they are being paid to do.

I'm fucking sick as shit of hearing everyone's fucking singing all the time, TALK NORMALLY, AND WHEN I TALK TO YOU, DON'T JUST "FINISH THAT BAR" BEFORE ANSWERING ME, IT'S FUCKING RUDE.

I don't care how much Glee you watch. What I care about is my ears being polluted with your unnecessary resonance emitted from your voice box.

I could kind of handle it, even watch it from time to time to impress the mrs, however, I was uttely disgusted when they turned a good ROCK SONG into nothing more than cheap sterile POP. You don;t do that shit to Journey. Steve Perry would have shat out a kidney.

The final blow for me came when they did the same thing to Van Halen's Jump. Those of you who know me know I'm like the biggest Van Halen fan ever. How could the producers do this? Do you know how many little fuckchops are running around saying how the Glee version os SOOOOOO much better than the original? Fuck, man.

I'm leaving before I start to cry about this.