As he woke up, D Koche sat upright and stretched. the sun was not yet up, but he was eager to get out of the house. Today was a special day. Today he would have many, many more viewers than the usual. No more old ladies, today even schoolgirls would be watching him.
"Fuck, all this putting up with Mel’s shit is finally going to pay off, I’m sick of sucking Kerry stokes’ dick for ratings".
He turned around and pulled the silk bedspread back up to the ...pillow, neatly. he absconded to the bathroom, albeit carefully, so as to not show anyone the huge erection that had appeared there, that wasn’t there when he awoke.
As he leant forward, and angled his erection so as not to piss into the cistern, he smiled. He knew that today, nobody would be watching the news ticker. They would be watching him. This was his golden ticket.
There was no way he could fail. He’d worked for years. For years as the finance guy. he worked his way out of that and he is still being shousted and out done by the weather guy, who interestingly enough developed a bad cocaine habit after attending one of Koshie’s parties.
He shook, and flushed. as he tested the warmth of the water with his arm in the shower, he could see the purplish glow through the bathroom window.
"The sun will be up soon" he said to himself.
he hopped into the shower, and after several renditions of "in the air tonight" (utilising the bathrooms tiled walls for just the right amount of echo) finally turned off the taps. He opened the door and reached out for a towel.
Minutes later there is a knock at the door. He opens it, in his silk dressing gown. The golden KOCHE printed on the back glints in the light as he opens the door to find his assistant holding out a GIANT cup of coffee.
"For fuck sake, Nige, what happened to the key I gave you?" he uttered, almost slamming the door in Nigel’s face.
"Sorry Mr Koche" he stammered.
"You fucken better be. is Mel up yet?"
"Yes Mr Koche. She’s on her way"
..."good. Lets get this fucken show on the road."
There is a golden glow, through the tinted window of the statesman as the sun comes up over the Japanese coast. It doesn’t sway Koshie, he has giant shades to block it out.
"Lucky we were on location when all this fucken shit went down hey Mel...?" he smiled.
"Yes davi..."
"Did I ask you to fucken speak, cunt?"
He grabbed her by the collar of her freshly pressed blouse.
"I’m the fucken news guy, you are just there to get more of the ladies to watch. It’s a fucken empowerment thing. don’t even think about upstanding me after my joke of the day."
Pile after pile after pile of rubble flies past as Koshie rehearses his lines. He doesn’t notice the devastation he’s about to report on. He heard something from his assistant about a nuclear meltdown, although unsure about what he was on about, he has decided he will throw it into the report anyway.
The black Statesman goes off the tarmac, onto some bumpy dirt road. Koshie’s coffee with double shot of scotch almost gets spilled over his best news pants.
"Fucking watch yourself Nige, you ridiculous cunt,” he screams from the back seat as Nige instinctively lowers in his seat, to avoid any broken glass that may be thrust in his direction.
There was a cloud of dust as the black statesman skidded to a halt. The back drivers side door opened and out stepped Koshie. Assistants carrying cups of coffee stopped dead in their tracks, to catch the glint off his giant sunnies.
2 assistants helped him out of his silk dressing gown as he sat down behind all this rubble that had been carved into a makeshift desk. He put his hands on top of it and felt it for a second. It was cold. Cold like Mel’s heart.
The cameras were readied. the guy with the headset stood next to the camera and counted down. Koshie took a deep breath.
3
2
1.
...Good morning. I'm David Koche.
at that very moment, 2 flash pots went off on either side of the rubble.
Roll intro credits.
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